Overloaded? Overwhelmed? Learn to say, “No.” If you don’t take care of yourself, then who will? Zen Habits‘ blogger Leo Babauta offer these 8 Essential Strategies for Saying No.

1. Try saying “yes” first
2. Know your commitments
3. Value your time
4. Defer
5. Be polite, but firm
6. Pre-empt
7. “I’d love to, but”
8. Never say you’re sorry

If you’re going to say yes, then mean it. Otherwise, say, “No.”

Still having trouble saying, “No?” Remember this: a no is far better than a half-hearted yes. Treat people with the same respect you want. If you’re going to say yes, then mean it. Otherwise, say, “No.”

Every now and then I need some encouragement. Michael Port, one of my good friends, just posted a his first video blog posting titled I Promise… Michael is a business-building coach. In his short video he speaks the importance of developing the habit of commitment-making and fulfilling to the success of our business. Have a look.

More surprising is how people engage in the course. There’s the usual “I don’t have time to do the homework,” along with the majority of participants that are unwilling to speak in class. However, I keep teaching the course because of the minority of students who engage fully. One recent report, “I’m amazed at how contagious this has become,” is the payoff. And all it takes is two week’s homework taking 15 minutes each day.

Contact me to explore how I can work with your team.

I had a big weekend in Orange County presenting to the OC PMI Chapter. I was quite surprised how many people came out for the event on a beautiful weekend day. The agenda was packed. The speakers were quite good.

I’m making my presentation available here: Getting BIG Things Done (on projects) Working with Others. Those of you who’ve taken the course will recognize the material. I culled some points from each of the 10 lessons. It’s a good summary of the lessons. If you haven’t taken the course, then you’ll get a good idea of what it’s about. The one thing missing is the exercises for building your competence at getting BIG things done working with others. You’ll only get those in the mini-course. Enjoy!

In the can-do, must-do project world, saying “No” comes off as not being a team player. Of course we must say “Yes,” the team is depending on us. But saying “No” can be the most responsible action we can take.

Recent weblog postings from Ester Derby No is in the Air and Jeffrey Phillips Getting to No do a good job explaining the circumstances and implications for saying “No”.

My rationale for saying “No” is simple. No is a response to a request to accomplish or provide something. When we say “No” we are declining the request. In other words, no is a promise not to perform. It is spoken by someone who already has outstanding promises and is counting on others to fulfill promises as well. Those promises link forming a network of commitments that is the means of accomplishing our project. Inappropriately saying “Yes” leads to inevitable breakdowns when some other promise goes unfulfilled.

• A promise “No” allows the customer of the request to get someone else — maybe someone more qualified — to fulfill the request at the earliest moment rather than after the performer has missed fulfilling the commitment.
• The freedom to promise “No” gives the performer the opportunity to fully and sincerely promise “Yes”. Without that freedom there can be no dignity for the performer. The relationship between the performer and the customer drifts towards indentured servitude.
• Permission to promise “No” maintains or improves the quality of the pre-existing and always changing network of commitments since one broken promise can cascade into many broken promises. Saying “No” is the opportunity to find someone that is in a good position to say “Yes”.

I’ve written extensively at Reforming Project Management on making and securing reliable promises on projects. What must we consider in saying “Yes” or “No”? Sign-up for the Let’s Play Catch! mini-course to learn the basics of making promises reliably. And when you do I’ll include Securing Reliable Promises on Projects, A Guide for Developing a New Practice as a bonus.

Give yourself and others on your team the freedom to say “No”. It’s the responsible thing to do.

If you haven’t signed up, please do so now. If you have, then I’d love to hear your comments on the course.

During that call I shared my big insight on coordinating well with others. Here’s a short summary:

Catchball™ is a game we play where the point of the game is continued play…each person catches the ball. The strategy for winning in that game depends on us developing our skill of throwing. We throw in a way that the other can catch. Think back on the times you’ve played catch. Whether it’s with an 8-year old in the yard or with a toddler sitting legs-spread on the floor, you can have a good game of Catch even when only one person has an advanced skill of delivering the ball.

The strategy of Catchball is the insight we bring to getting BIG things done with others. We can have successful accomplishment of work when one person — either the customer or the performer — takes responsibility for conducting conversations in a way that makes it easy for the other person to make requests and promises.

During our time together, I introduced the group to the five elements of a complete promise along with the five attributes of reliable promises. We explored approaches that will make you successful as you work with others along with a simple exercise you can do to develop your proficiency.

I am offering access to the bonus call as a way of saying, “Thank you,” for signing up for my mini-course. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity to take the course and to listen in on this session. You’ll find the download link in the welcome message for the mini-course. Use the subscribe now link in the upper left column to enroll.